Dance, Rise

This morning, in my bed, I felt completely safe and loved.  I thought: this is the ultimate privilege, to be safe and adored and deeply connected to someone who loves me, someone I love.

Last night, inspired by a friend's invitation to today's One Billion Rising event in my town, I watched some of the videos, and listened to the anthem, Break the Chain.  I watched the short film that has been available for the last half a year, and I watched the one that was made for Indonesia.  In the films, there are images of women experiencing violence.  These are dramatizations of actual horrifying events that happen to real people, mostly to women and children, every day.  They are not even as long or as graphic as the the same events we see dramatized in movies (for our entertainment, ugh!), but they are more difficult to watch. The film then goes on to show us these same women, opening their eyes and rising.  Rising out of these miserable events and Getting Out, and dancing.  Yes, dancing.

This is a world-wide event, organized to connect people everywhere in an effort to raise the level of effort being directed at ending violence against women. People all over the world have organized a dance.  A global flash mob.   

I am 51 years old, and there is a well-honed cynical portion of my mind that sees the website and the thirty-second celebrity videos and the t-shirts and the dance videos and the Concept and says:  

What Good Will It Do?

In my life, I have been raped, harassed, pimped, abandoned pregnant, neglected, exploited in the workplace, and ridiculed because I am female. The horror in that statement comes from the fact that my life has been pretty average.

Most of that is not happening for me anymore... I have risen. I rose out of oppression with the help and love of many people who decided to create safety and love for people in their lives. I used to spend a lot of energy working to end sexism and empower women. But lately, I haven't had the same sense of urgency.

this is my body

my body's holy

I am a feminist.  I minored in Women Studies.  I marched in Take Back the Night marches. I have stood up and spoken out.  I have taken risks.  But I have become lazy and cynical and invested in my own comfort.  I do everything I can to make my life comfortable.  And then I throw some leftover crumbs to "people in need" in the form of an occasional check to a non-profit organization. That is what I do to work towards the elimination of oppression these days.

Well, not really.  I also work very hard to raise my children to recognize oppressions and to be allies to the oppressed and to just generally be loving and kind.  I work very hard to change myself into the kind of person I want them to be, knowing that they will learn what I do much more deeply than they learn what I say to them. So, yes, I do put some real effort into changing this world. On the home front.

Meanwhile, women and children all over this world are being raped and beaten and living in slavery.

Meanwhile, women and children all over this world - in MY community, in MY town, here in my "free" country - are being treated like possessions, like things.

One in three women is raped in her lifetime.

Even during those amazing moments

when I am fully aware 

of how precious and rare 

is my experience 

of real safety and love.

But here's the thing: 

IT IS NOT A PRIVILEGE.

SAFETY AND LOVE 

are BIRTHRIGHTS 

of every human being.

Every person is inherently entitled to be safe, to love, and to be loved.

This is my most deeply held belief.  This is the bottom line underneath every statement of belief I have ever spoken.

So, today, at 5:30, I will meet the people in Morgantown who are rising and dancing to end violence against women.  I will be dancing for SAFETY.  I will be dancing for LOVE.

And if the only thing that comes out of this day of women and men and children attempting to bring awareness to their communities that the chains must be broken is that a significant number of young women take this song to heart... then I have hope that someday we will live in a world where every one experiences real safety, and real love.

I will be teaching my children this song.




Break the Chain  by Tena Clark
Music by Tena Clark/Tim Heintz

Intro- I raise my arms to the sky
On my knees I pray
I’m not afraid anymore
I will walk through that door
Walk, dance, rise
Walk, dance, rise

I can see a world where we all live
Safe and free from all oppression
No more rape or incest, or abuse
Women are not a possession

You’ve never owned me, don’t even know me I’m not invisible, I’m simply wonderful I feel my heart for the first time racing I feel alive, I feel so amazing

I dance cause I love
Dance cause I dream
Dance cause I’ve had enough
Dance to stop the screams
Dance to break the rules
Dance to stop the pain
Dance to turn it upside down
Its time to break the chain, oh yeah
Break the Chain
Dance, rise
Dance, rise

In the middle of this madness, we will stand I know there is a better world Take your sisters & your brothers by the hand Reach out to every woman & girl

This is my body, my body’s holy
No more excuses, no more abuses
We are mothers, we are teachers,
We are beautiful, beautiful creatures
I dance cause I love
Dance cause I dream
Dance cause I’ve had enough
Dance to stop the screams
Dance to break the rules
Dance to stop the pain
Dance to turn it upside down
It’s time to break the chain, oh yeah
Break the Chain, oh yeah
Break the Chain

Dance Break Inst.

Dance, rise
Dance, rise

Sister won’t you help me, sister won’t you rise x4

Dance, rise
Dance, rise

Sister won’t you help me, sister won’t you rise x4

This is my body, my body’s holy
No more excuses, no more abuses
We are mothers, we are teachers,
We are beautiful, beautiful creatures

I dance cause I love
Dance cause I dream
Dance cause I’ve had enough
Dance to stop the screams
Dance to break the rules
Dance to stop the pain
Dance to turn it upside down
Its time to break the chain, oh yeah
Break the Chain, oh yeah
Break the Chain
(Repeat chorus)

Here is the One Billion Rising website, where you can see what is happening all over the world today.
Here is the short film which gives me a sense that I am connected to every woman in this world, and we can rise together.

Here is the message from the United Nations Office of the General Secretary.

“If I can't dance - I don't want to be part of your revolution.”

Emma Goldman

The Secret of the Five-day Vacation

I have discovered a low-investment/high-yield activity that could change your life.

Say you have ten precious days of vacation to spend in a year.  (I have three weeks of Personal Leave Time annually after working for my company for almost 13 years, but that includes sick time and family leave type time off.) You might save it all up to take a two-week vacation in the summertime with your family to some beach resort, or you might like to take yours during winter holiday time so you can visit faraway family.  Or, you might like to save it up to take a trip to some amazing destination that involves a two-day car/train/jet travel time.

But, you could use it a little bit at a time and get a lot more bang for you buck.

What if you find a place within a one-to-two hour drive from you home, and take three days off.  Make sure it is a place where you do not have access to the internet, and hopefully, not even a phone.  Pick a place where you can't do anything but swim.  Or anything by ski.  Or anything but sit around and look at the beautiful trees.  There are 6,624 state parks and 59 national parks in the U.S. (according to Wikipedia) and I bet some of them are within a one-to-two hour drive of your house.  Many parks have cabins and campsites.  And I am betting the rest have hotels or motels not too far away.  So... think about this.  You could spend a day driving to some resort beach with tons of "recreational" activities all lit up along the highway, spend your two weeks of vacation hurry hurry do do do spend spend spend eating out every night and then drive all day to get home, then crash on your couch because you are exhausted from your vacation.  OR, three or four times a year, you could pack the minimal amount of clothes and games and recreational equipment, drive one hour, check into a rustic cabin with no TV for the kids to fight with you over, and cook easy meals in the sparse kitchen, and ENJOY having play time with your family.  Three vacation days plus two weekend days... five days to enjoy doing some Nothing.  Then, after three and a half days of that luxury, pack up your car, have a little more fun, and drive one hour home.  Unpack, do some laundry, and you are ready to go back to work and school and taxi-cabbing your kids to all their sporting events.  Yeah.  Three days of Vacation that were truly relaxing.  Make it even better by doing it with another family, or several families... all your more laid back friends with kids who enjoy your kids.  Jackpot.  This is the good life.

You can do that THREE or FOUR times a year with your precious vacation time.  Get a real break from work, get some real play time with your family, and actually reduce your stress rather than increase it.

Just an idea.

You can thank me when your are soaking your feet in Epsom salts because you had SO MUCH FUN cross country skiing for miles all weekend with your friends and watching your kids slide down the steepest sledding hill you have ever seen.

prayer for a community at a loss for words

Oh Unknowable Author of Mystery,

We cry out to you

in shock and sadness

anger and doubt

We do not understand

what appears to be

the absence of your Love

in the murder of twenty innocent children

and the loving adults who cared for them

or the trauma their classmates, colleagues, and families

are now experiencing

We are heartbroken for all of them.

We don’t know what to do!

Some of us feel like powerless children

eyes wide, hands in the air

just hoping for a reason

to feel safe

Some of us feel like worried parents

who just want to do something

to make everything “all better”

Some of us feel a wish to be leaders

to make laws or create programs

in an attempt to prevent any more loss

But – we all know

as individuals

we are powerless

We are unable to prevent loss.

We are unable to make it all better.

As individuals, we are powerless

to create safety for all of the children in our care.

That’s why we are here

hoping

against all of our doubts

that You – the Power

of Universal Love

You – the Unseen Friend to All

You – the Holy Glue

that somehow brings us together

even in our diversity of stories

about who You are and who you are not

We beg You – Love – to connect us now.

Bring us a clarity in our Oneness

as the Human Family

that allows us

to think together

to work compassionately

and thoroughly and wisely

to create safety and well-being

for all of us.

 

We commit ourselves to each other

–despite our differences–

to love each other

to help each other

We commit ourselves

to asking for help.

We commit ourselves

to creating safety

in each personal interaction

so that people who are deeply hurting

and scared

can find the help that is needed

We commit ourselves to Love

We are thankful

for the light of community.

We are thankful

to be alive

to have each other

and to know Love works.

We ask

for comfort

for hope

for peace

and for wisdom.

Let it be so.

(c)2012 Barbara L. Walker, Morgantown WV

written for a candlelight vigil for the children of Sandy Hook

for all who have lost a child, or the dream of a child, 

in whatever way the child was lost

your pain may have been triggered by this event

this song may comfort you

for leaders, official and otherwise, please start with this story

Letting God Out of the Box

If I were a preacher, this is the sermon I would give tomorrow.

How did you learn about homosexuality?  Where did you get your ideas about it?  What is your first memory of knowing someone who identified as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer?  

Here is how I learned about it.  When I was a teenager, I went to fanatical evangelical churches (only-one-way-to-god types). Most of the things I learned went something like this:  someone in leadership would say that something was a sin according to the Bible. They would throw a couple verses out. And that was it. We did not have conversations with anyone who had had any experience in that realm, or any expertise on the behavior, or any knowledge about the cultural and historical context of these verses. We just accepted the leadership's definitions of what was black and what was white. Mormonism, I was told, is a cult. Homosexuality is a sin. Sex outside of marriage, a sin. Abortion, murder. Et cetera. I took on a lot of beliefs that kept me sheltered from the stories of people living their lives. I spent most of my time with people who went to my church.  When we moved, we found a church right away and got immersed in that community, and spent most of our time with people in that church.

When I was in my second year of college, I encountered a professor who was openly gay. I had heard about "homosexuals" from people who went to churches like mine, vague references, no real information, just negative references.  Anita Bryant-like rants.  I had never knowingly talked to any one who was gay or read any books written by anyone gay.  But here I was in 1980, 19 years old, deciding to change my major to Acting because I wanted to do Christian Theater, encountering an openly gay person for the first time in my life.  At some point outside of class, the professor and I got into a conversation in which I was unable to listen. All I could do was spout my own position, and in so many words, I told him he was going to hell. (My 20-yr-old arrogance boggles my 51-yr-old mind!)

About ten years later, I had learned how to listen to people's stories, how to suspend my judgement, how to trust the little voice inside me that said "something isn't right with this thing this church leader is telling me." I had encountered some tough life decisions that humbled me. I had experienced judgement from close friends and family members.  I experienced people telling me I was going to hell for things I had come to know, deeply, were true in my life. 

I started learning about the cultural and historical context in which the Bible was written.  I started learning about sexism and other oppressions, and how oppression works.  I met some lesbian women and not felt the need to judge them. So they became my friends.  They did not convert me, they did not tell me how wrong I was to love a man, they did not live lives of depravity.  They were regular people. (Surprise!) They were kind.  And fun.  And courageous. I realized that some people in this world are born gay, and that is not a flaw or a sin. And some people choose it for themselves, and that is not a sin either.

If you listen to people's life stories, without judgement - really listen, find out what makes them tick, and what their struggles are, and why they made the tough decisions in their unique life - you may find that everyone is doing the best they can with what they've got. All of us are flawed human beings just trying to love and be loved. 

I believe this:  there is no sin bigger than the sin of thinking I get to decide who is going to hell based on my limited little brain inside my one tiny little head. 

God is not our puppet. God is Lovingkindness, embodied only in our bodies, flawed as they are. How we human beings on this earth treat other human beings is how God loves us all. God is not pleased when we point our fingers and tell other people they are sinning. God is only pleased when we embrace other human beings, when we love them, when we are kind to them, when we treat them with respect, and when we trust them to make their decisions based on how they hear God speaking in their hearts. 

You may not believe these things. You may believe that God, the Supreme Being, the Holy of Holies, tells you to go tell people they are sinners and there is only one way, one set of words, one set of rules, one set of beliefs that will make up for that fact (save them from it) and get them to Heaven.  I am trying very hard not to judge you for that. I can't change this about you. If you want to hang on to that belief, nothing I tell you is going to convince you not to hang on to it. I can tell you that I have been there.  I can tell you I have changed. And here is my good news, if you are interested:  choosing non-judgement works so much better than choosing God-told-me-to-tell-you judgement.  I have been a much more powerful witness for Love since I have let go of that kind of evangelism. People have told me I inspire them to be a better person. That never happened to me when I was being Evangelical.  No-one was ever inspired by me to open their hearts to God or to be a better person by my telling them about their sins.

Everyone is going to make mistakes, everyone screws up, and it is not for us to say what is a mistake and what is not, except in our very own lives. Sure, if someone hurts you, you have every right to tell them, "when you did this thing, I felt hurt, because..." But you don't get to say to someone whose choice has no real effect on your life at all that their choice is a sin. You sure as heck don't have the right to codify your belief into the rule of law. If you call yourself a Christian, if you honor Jesus, then look at the way he lived.  He didn't go around telling people they were gong to hell.  He hung out with the lowest of the low and he LOVED them.  He fed them.  He healed them.  He did not get in their face and tell them how wrong they are.  He did not pronounce judgement upon them every chance he had.  Even the Pharisees, the leaders of his religious community into which he was born? He basically just asked them thoughtful questions.  The one theme I see in the gospels is this: love. Be love. Love, the verb.  The command: Love!

Jesus said, "If you are bothered by a speck in your neighbor's eye, remove the stick from your own eye." So, next time you are tempted to tell someone what they are doing wrong, look in the mirror. Don't worry about other people's problems. Figure out where you are making bad choices that separate you from Love and keep you from being Kind.

I'm so grateful for the courageous people who stand up and tell their stories in the face of judgement. Without that courage, without that sharing, the world can't change.  People cannot learn.  Oppression cannot end. My memory of that conversation with my professor is one of my biggest regrets in my life. It was one of my biggest sins. I hope he knew that his sharing with me, even though I could not listen, was a seed of liberation planted. 

If someone is telling you that the Bible says homosexuality is a sin, I beg you to read this before you go around spreading that "good news."

And, in the interest of breaking down stereotypes and planting seeds of liberation, I am offering to you my story. Next time we see each other, let's have some tea and blueberry muffins and tell each other our life stories.  I promise to listen.  I promise to be kind to you.

 

 

My friend, Karen, is cancer-free.  Read her journey here.

What if we all loved and supported each other this way all the time?  The world would be cancer-free, literally and figuratively.

a prayer answered

Big losses can lead to big freedom, if you open your eyes to possibility and let go of your many assumptions that have kept you safe and secure (at some level). When you find yourself grieving, before you try to "get back to normal," consider sitting in the discomfort of abnormal. From this vantage point, you can see a lot of different paths forward from your current state of life which you could not see before you lost so much normal. What do you want now? When you are in a place of deep sadness, you might be able to find the exact answer(s) to this question. You have a bunch of coping/thriving skills you developed for the situation you used to be in... they aren't necessarily bad or harmful, they were what worked for what used to be your normal. But, to go forward, you might need to let those go, and create new skills that work for the new life you are creating. Loss is the Divine's gift to us: a chance to see Life in its true preciousness, a chance to re-create our lives in a whole different way. Without death, nothing could ever be new, nothing could ever be ALIVE.

 

 I asked the mysterious Spirit of Joy where the heck she can be found, and she said one word: create.

Creating instead of Consuming

Short story:  I lost our Fitness Improvement Competition at work.  It was just for fun with a little money on the line, so no big deal.  Except that for three months I really tried to lost some weight and I didn't.  Not that weight matters that much, but it is one easily measurable indicator of fitness.  It's the trend I was not liking... gaining five pounds a year doesn't sound like much until you think about what that means: it means fifty pounds by my sixtieth birthday. Ack!!!

The week after I lost at losing, I decided to make a daily walk my top priority.  Yes.  Priority number one each day is to get my body moving.  So after the kids are off to school, Laird and I take the dogs for a three-mile walk on the rail trail.  Yes, it means I am late to work.  So I work late.  Which works way better than getting to work early, coming home to not-exercise because it is dinner time, then not-exercise because I just had dinner, then not-exercise because it is too close to bedtime.

So, we have walked every day since mid-February. We're happier, the dogs are happier, we're healthier, and we get more couple time.  Walking... it's not just for the mailbox anymore.

Also, in January, I read the book 7 and got inspired to confront overconsumption in my life.  I asked the questions, and made my own plan because my life is way different than Jen Hatmaker's life.

Month 1 was Possessions.  I wanted to get rid of seven things a day, but I don't have a book deal; I still have to work a full-time job while I am confronting overconsumption.  So, I spent weekends de-cluttering.  I am still working on actually getting rid of some of the stuff I weeded out. (Stay tuned for a list of items I am giving away.)  But hey, I haven't bought much at all since then just because I am more aware of the overabundance of stuff I don't use in my house.  Also, I decreased my Overfunctioning.  Just needed to be done, so I added it in to month 1.  I will need to re-visit this effort, of course, because, like stuff, overfunctioning seems to creep back into my life whenever I am not consciously keeping it at bay.

Month 2 was Food.  I dropped sugar, chocolate, coffee, and alcohol.  Well, I intended to.  I knew sugar would be hardest, so I set my mind on that, and ended up cheating on coffee and chocolate a little bit, and pretty much ignoring my idea of skipping alcohol.  It's not that I drink that much wine and beer (average one to two glasses a week).  I just wanted to skip the things that might have been zapping my energy level and see how it feels live on goodness.  Well, it felt good.  I slept better, I felt better, I worked better.  Now, keep in mind, all this time I was also walking three miles every morning, so it might have mostly been about that.  Still, I've done some research, and here you go:  fructose is poison.  And sucrose is half fructose.  And almost everything I used to eat had one or both in them.  In excess.  So, if I avoid refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup, I pretty much have a diet of real food.  Veggies, fruit, meat, eggs, and cheese.  And a little milk.  And butter.  I can deal... I eat LOTS of veggies and a couple of pieces of fruit a day.  I eat happy (free-range, local, drug-free) meat from our freezer and free range eggs from the co-op.  I substitute perfectly ripe avocados for chocolate. Not local, but hey, I'm working on it.  I substitute tea with a little milk and honey in it for my latte.  And I substitute bread from New Day Bakery for everything else I used to eat.  And I eat Triscuits with chevre.  Yum.  So, March was not that bad.

So, I rewarded myself with home-made brownies on April 1.  Yes, I missed brownies.  And I found creme fraiche at Kroger, oh my goodness.  We had some with berries for our Famiversary dinner dessert, and I wanted to know what to do with the rest, so I looked on the website for recipes.  And found brownies.  But, the recipe called for 16 ounces of butter and 8 ounces of creme fraiche.  That would make a biglotta brownies.  So, I cut the recipe in half.  And in half again. And substituted some things. And changed some quantities. And added something.  And they turned out to be really yummy.  So perfectly between cakey and fudgey that they were not either. They didn't look like the ones in the recipe at Vermont Creamery.

I would post a picture, but they have been completely devoured. 

Barbara's Once-a-Month Brownies

Pre-heat oven to 300 F.  Grease an 8x8 glass pan.
Melt 1.5 ounces (three squares - it was all I had of the Precious) Ghirardelli bittersweet chocolate (I think... maybe it was the extra bittersweet) with a stick of butter in a double boiler and allow to cool.  Whisk 2 eggs with a little more than a cup of coconut crystals (sugar), a quarter teaspoon of vanilla extract, a quarter teaspoon of almond extract (I spilled so it was more like a half teaspoon), and 2 ounces of creme fraiche. (Definitely lick the spoon here since you are only doing this once a month, darling.)  Mix until incorporated.  Fold half the chocolate/butter mixture into the egg/sugar mixture.  Then 1/3 cup flour.  Then the rest of the choc/butter.  Then another 1/3 cup flour.  Do not overmix. If you want, add some chocolate chips (about 3 ounces).  Bake for about 40 minutes.  Cool.  Cut into squares.

I eat mine with butter on top.  Yes, for real.  That's what we did in the Walker family, but it was blue bonnet margarine (which was probably not the same product it is now) that my mom called butter.  When I found out that no-one else in the whole wide world eats butter on top of their brownies, I was aghast.  Now that I would eat dry toast (from my favorite bakery) rather than put blue bonnet on it, I eat even more butter on top of my brownies.  I know. It doesn't make sense.  But, my love of butter has been exonerated in Dr. Lustig's video, Sugar: the Bitter Truth.  Calories are not the problem.  Fat is not the problem  It's sugar.  Namely, fructose.  So, month 2 has been a huge step towards health for me.  Even if I do put butter on my already rich once-a-month brownies.

Month 3:  April was supposed to be about getting moving... about ending my overconsumption of couch potatoness.  I was planning to put in at least 49 miles a week of walking or biking.  But, since I started walking three miles a day, and I ride my bike to work at least once a week (21+18=39, close enough), April needed a new focus.  And so, I introduce to you: Month 3, the month of Sleep.  I will sleep more and grouch less.  Go to bed at or before 10:30.  So far, I have been a dismal failure.

It turns out that my overconsumption (stuff, food, waste, etc) did not need to be addressed as much as my underconsumption (veggies, movement, sleep)... does that make any sense?

By the way, I have lost over eight pounds in six weeks. 
(I didn't even do that last year training for running a 5K.)
Walk three miles a day and drop the refined sugar. Boom.