Fifty-two Ways to Relieve Stress

... that do not involve food.

Someday, I am going to write about my journey to healthy eating, because, people, on the eve of my 52nd birthday, I feel like I have finally arrived. That is a long story, but part of it is that when I am trying to change habits, it helps to have new actions to grab when the old habit beckons. One of the things I figured out once I got my head out of the sand with respect to me and food is that I eat when I am bored and I eat when I am experiencing stress. I eat to celebrate and I eat to relax. The eating when stressed seems to be the biggest problem, because it is hard to think clearly when I am stressed. So, I'm making a list to which I can refer.

Ways to meet stress and keep on walking...

1. Punch Bozo.

2. Say no.
3. Sing a song from your childhood as loud as you can, or as silly as you can. Sing Row Your Boat with a mad voice.
4. Sigh.
5. Do nothing for ten minutes.
6. Slow down the pace.

"For fast-acting relief try slowing down.”  

– Lily Tomlin

7. Reduce the number of clocks in your life.
8. Walk three miles. Two miles will do in a pinch, but for some reason three works best for me. Three takes about forty minutes.
9. Invite or make a plan for safe, intimate connection with a loved one (which may or may not involve sex).

10. Make up the saddest song on earth about the terrible plight in which you are mired.
11. Sweep the floors.
12. Make something in the kitchen. Yes, technically, this involves food, but it is the creation of the food that I am advocating here. When you have to create from scratch the food you are wanting to stress-eat, the act of creating slows you down and helps you move into your cognitive mind. Getting out of reptile brain and into big brain is the key to handling stress.
13. Cross something off your to-do list. Just let it go. Say, I really don't need to do that.
14. Declutter one shelf or one drawer.
15. Do jumping jacks.
16. Look at pictures of baby animals. The interwebs are full of them for a reason!

17. Walk up and down the stairs in your building.
18. Draw the country that is you or a map to your dreamlife.
19. Add one thing to your bucket list and do a little research on it.
20. Pick a date for something on your bucket list and start planning. Look forward to it.
21. Make a damage control list. Something happened that triggered this feeling of stress. It is a problem that needs to be solved. Take a little time to brainstorm solutions before you act. Knowing what can or might be done to solve the problem can help you put the problem in better perspective.
22. Say aloud:  This is not the end of the world.
23. Or:  I can handle this.
24. Or:  I can handle this with help from ___________.
25. Growl.
26. Remember your mission. If you have not figured out your mission, do it. Having one sentence in your mind that embodies your reason for being on this earth can be very helpful when you are faced with a problem or making a decision. Your mission can change from time to time as you learn and grow.  Keep it simple. Just answer the question: why am I here on this earth?  I know, this SEEMS difficult and complicated.  But really, you know in your core what you are doing here. Just listen to your belly when you are out on a walk or in the woods or doing something you love doing.  Why are you here on this earth?  First thing that comes to your mind?  Write it down.  Memorize it.  Then, remember it whenever you feel unmoored. My current mission: Open heart, healing hands. And my vision: play more, live outside, love more.

27. Cut your expectations.  For example, you think you need to make a list of 52 things, when really 26 or so will do. A lot of our expectations are arbitrary. Somewhere, we got this idea that we need to do all the dishes every time we do them, or we need to clean a whole room, or we need to spend this amount of money on a gift, or we need to cook a big dinner every day, or we need to read every email in the inbox. The world is not going to end if we don't meet these expectations. In a lot of ways, you get to decide how much time and energy you need to put into any specific task. This is especially true in your own home, but it is also often true at work or school. For people who are high achievers, a lot of stress comes from our own expectations of ourselves, not pressure from others. Oh, we try to convince ourselves that the boss demands it, the customer expects it, the dependent needs it.  But when we are honest, it is really us beating up on ourselves trying to prove that we are okay.  Guess what? You're okay. You don't have to prove it. Get out of your reptile survival brain and be in your rational mind. Take a look at what you truly need and want. Don't take another step in your life without knowing it is a step you are choosing.  It is a step you are taking in this particular direction, this speed, this style because it is your step.

Mine are the scruffy ones second from right.

The Secret of the Five-day Vacation

I have discovered a low-investment/high-yield activity that could change your life.

Say you have ten precious days of vacation to spend in a year.  (I have three weeks of Personal Leave Time annually after working for my company for almost 13 years, but that includes sick time and family leave type time off.) You might save it all up to take a two-week vacation in the summertime with your family to some beach resort, or you might like to take yours during winter holiday time so you can visit faraway family.  Or, you might like to save it up to take a trip to some amazing destination that involves a two-day car/train/jet travel time.

But, you could use it a little bit at a time and get a lot more bang for you buck.

What if you find a place within a one-to-two hour drive from you home, and take three days off.  Make sure it is a place where you do not have access to the internet, and hopefully, not even a phone.  Pick a place where you can't do anything but swim.  Or anything by ski.  Or anything but sit around and look at the beautiful trees.  There are 6,624 state parks and 59 national parks in the U.S. (according to Wikipedia) and I bet some of them are within a one-to-two hour drive of your house.  Many parks have cabins and campsites.  And I am betting the rest have hotels or motels not too far away.  So... think about this.  You could spend a day driving to some resort beach with tons of "recreational" activities all lit up along the highway, spend your two weeks of vacation hurry hurry do do do spend spend spend eating out every night and then drive all day to get home, then crash on your couch because you are exhausted from your vacation.  OR, three or four times a year, you could pack the minimal amount of clothes and games and recreational equipment, drive one hour, check into a rustic cabin with no TV for the kids to fight with you over, and cook easy meals in the sparse kitchen, and ENJOY having play time with your family.  Three vacation days plus two weekend days... five days to enjoy doing some Nothing.  Then, after three and a half days of that luxury, pack up your car, have a little more fun, and drive one hour home.  Unpack, do some laundry, and you are ready to go back to work and school and taxi-cabbing your kids to all their sporting events.  Yeah.  Three days of Vacation that were truly relaxing.  Make it even better by doing it with another family, or several families... all your more laid back friends with kids who enjoy your kids.  Jackpot.  This is the good life.

You can do that THREE or FOUR times a year with your precious vacation time.  Get a real break from work, get some real play time with your family, and actually reduce your stress rather than increase it.

Just an idea.

You can thank me when your are soaking your feet in Epsom salts because you had SO MUCH FUN cross country skiing for miles all weekend with your friends and watching your kids slide down the steepest sledding hill you have ever seen.

Creating instead of Consuming

Short story:  I lost our Fitness Improvement Competition at work.  It was just for fun with a little money on the line, so no big deal.  Except that for three months I really tried to lost some weight and I didn't.  Not that weight matters that much, but it is one easily measurable indicator of fitness.  It's the trend I was not liking... gaining five pounds a year doesn't sound like much until you think about what that means: it means fifty pounds by my sixtieth birthday. Ack!!!

The week after I lost at losing, I decided to make a daily walk my top priority.  Yes.  Priority number one each day is to get my body moving.  So after the kids are off to school, Laird and I take the dogs for a three-mile walk on the rail trail.  Yes, it means I am late to work.  So I work late.  Which works way better than getting to work early, coming home to not-exercise because it is dinner time, then not-exercise because I just had dinner, then not-exercise because it is too close to bedtime.

So, we have walked every day since mid-February. We're happier, the dogs are happier, we're healthier, and we get more couple time.  Walking... it's not just for the mailbox anymore.

Also, in January, I read the book 7 and got inspired to confront overconsumption in my life.  I asked the questions, and made my own plan because my life is way different than Jen Hatmaker's life.

Month 1 was Possessions.  I wanted to get rid of seven things a day, but I don't have a book deal; I still have to work a full-time job while I am confronting overconsumption.  So, I spent weekends de-cluttering.  I am still working on actually getting rid of some of the stuff I weeded out. (Stay tuned for a list of items I am giving away.)  But hey, I haven't bought much at all since then just because I am more aware of the overabundance of stuff I don't use in my house.  Also, I decreased my Overfunctioning.  Just needed to be done, so I added it in to month 1.  I will need to re-visit this effort, of course, because, like stuff, overfunctioning seems to creep back into my life whenever I am not consciously keeping it at bay.

Month 2 was Food.  I dropped sugar, chocolate, coffee, and alcohol.  Well, I intended to.  I knew sugar would be hardest, so I set my mind on that, and ended up cheating on coffee and chocolate a little bit, and pretty much ignoring my idea of skipping alcohol.  It's not that I drink that much wine and beer (average one to two glasses a week).  I just wanted to skip the things that might have been zapping my energy level and see how it feels live on goodness.  Well, it felt good.  I slept better, I felt better, I worked better.  Now, keep in mind, all this time I was also walking three miles every morning, so it might have mostly been about that.  Still, I've done some research, and here you go:  fructose is poison.  And sucrose is half fructose.  And almost everything I used to eat had one or both in them.  In excess.  So, if I avoid refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup, I pretty much have a diet of real food.  Veggies, fruit, meat, eggs, and cheese.  And a little milk.  And butter.  I can deal... I eat LOTS of veggies and a couple of pieces of fruit a day.  I eat happy (free-range, local, drug-free) meat from our freezer and free range eggs from the co-op.  I substitute perfectly ripe avocados for chocolate. Not local, but hey, I'm working on it.  I substitute tea with a little milk and honey in it for my latte.  And I substitute bread from New Day Bakery for everything else I used to eat.  And I eat Triscuits with chevre.  Yum.  So, March was not that bad.

So, I rewarded myself with home-made brownies on April 1.  Yes, I missed brownies.  And I found creme fraiche at Kroger, oh my goodness.  We had some with berries for our Famiversary dinner dessert, and I wanted to know what to do with the rest, so I looked on the website for recipes.  And found brownies.  But, the recipe called for 16 ounces of butter and 8 ounces of creme fraiche.  That would make a biglotta brownies.  So, I cut the recipe in half.  And in half again. And substituted some things. And changed some quantities. And added something.  And they turned out to be really yummy.  So perfectly between cakey and fudgey that they were not either. They didn't look like the ones in the recipe at Vermont Creamery.

I would post a picture, but they have been completely devoured. 

Barbara's Once-a-Month Brownies

Pre-heat oven to 300 F.  Grease an 8x8 glass pan.
Melt 1.5 ounces (three squares - it was all I had of the Precious) Ghirardelli bittersweet chocolate (I think... maybe it was the extra bittersweet) with a stick of butter in a double boiler and allow to cool.  Whisk 2 eggs with a little more than a cup of coconut crystals (sugar), a quarter teaspoon of vanilla extract, a quarter teaspoon of almond extract (I spilled so it was more like a half teaspoon), and 2 ounces of creme fraiche. (Definitely lick the spoon here since you are only doing this once a month, darling.)  Mix until incorporated.  Fold half the chocolate/butter mixture into the egg/sugar mixture.  Then 1/3 cup flour.  Then the rest of the choc/butter.  Then another 1/3 cup flour.  Do not overmix. If you want, add some chocolate chips (about 3 ounces).  Bake for about 40 minutes.  Cool.  Cut into squares.

I eat mine with butter on top.  Yes, for real.  That's what we did in the Walker family, but it was blue bonnet margarine (which was probably not the same product it is now) that my mom called butter.  When I found out that no-one else in the whole wide world eats butter on top of their brownies, I was aghast.  Now that I would eat dry toast (from my favorite bakery) rather than put blue bonnet on it, I eat even more butter on top of my brownies.  I know. It doesn't make sense.  But, my love of butter has been exonerated in Dr. Lustig's video, Sugar: the Bitter Truth.  Calories are not the problem.  Fat is not the problem  It's sugar.  Namely, fructose.  So, month 2 has been a huge step towards health for me.  Even if I do put butter on my already rich once-a-month brownies.

Month 3:  April was supposed to be about getting moving... about ending my overconsumption of couch potatoness.  I was planning to put in at least 49 miles a week of walking or biking.  But, since I started walking three miles a day, and I ride my bike to work at least once a week (21+18=39, close enough), April needed a new focus.  And so, I introduce to you: Month 3, the month of Sleep.  I will sleep more and grouch less.  Go to bed at or before 10:30.  So far, I have been a dismal failure.

It turns out that my overconsumption (stuff, food, waste, etc) did not need to be addressed as much as my underconsumption (veggies, movement, sleep)... does that make any sense?

By the way, I have lost over eight pounds in six weeks. 
(I didn't even do that last year training for running a 5K.)
Walk three miles a day and drop the refined sugar. Boom.

Simple Meals for the Busy Family

aka Grab-n-Go or the Four Bin Food System
A healthy, eco-friendly alternative to depending on fast food restaurants in the age of travel soccer

I have four athletic kids.  Three of them are on travel soccer teams.  Three different teams.  And one is a senior in high school who plays varsity volleyball and lacrosse.  We have practices and/or games almost every day of the week in the fall.  Plus school and work.  Yes, we are a little crazy.  But, we are also fun.  We are game.  Our kids are much happier when they get lots of physical activity. So we Do. It. All.  When we signed up the third kid for the third travel soccer team, I had a moment of panic.  I pictured us going through the dreaded tunnel under the big yellow M every night of the week due to lack of time and planning.  I screamed inside.  Noooooooooooo!  I am organica mom.  I am happy chicken, grass-fed beef, free-range eggs, and farm-fresh veggies from the lovely folks at Backbone Food Farm and Round Right Farm.  I gag when forced to use styrofoam and single-use anything. I ride my bike to Farmers Market, people. I cannot drive my "Be a Localvore" bestickered soccer-mom van through the exhaust-ridden (oh how convenient!) bastions of high-calorie, low-value, too-little-love, consumeable ill health packages.  (Have you seen how huge those cups of HFCS-colored acid water are getting to be???)

My Slow Food Vehicle

So, I needed to come up with a system.  I woke up the next morning with a picture of a fridge full of home-cooked food that could be thrown down the gullets of the athletes as they run out the front door.  Brilliant!

Step 1: Get the bins

Find two two-quart containers and two four-quart containers.  I bought Rubbermaid BPA-free containers at Kroger because I knew if I waited until I went to a kitchen store or Target or ordered them online, I would lose my momentum.  Rubbermaid also makes glass ones with lids, and Pyrex makes some glass containers with lids. My bins are square and stack really well.  Create space inside your fridge for these containers to be stacked at all times. You’ll also need a place to store bread and muffins outside the fridge. An area in the fridge where you keep packages of tortillas is also a good idea.

Step 2: Fill the bins

In the beginning, you’ll need to devote a half-day or so to filling up the containers mainly because the first time you do it, you’ll think it will take way longer than it actually takes. You can either fill up all the containers every weekend, or fill each one as it is emptied.  For example, if you run out of rice on Wednesday, just cook a batch of rice and refill it on Wednesday night or Thursday morning.  Whenever any container gets close to running out, figure out what you’ll cook to fill it up again, and the time you will be able to do so.

Container 1 (four-quart): Grain or legume (lentils, people)

Container 2 (two-quart):  Meat or beans
Container 3 (two-quart): Cooked veggies
Container 4 (four-quart): Salad greens 
Breadbox: bread, muffins, and/or rolls

Some examples

Grains and/or Legumes:  Rice, cous cous, quinoa, barley, pasta; lentils, split peas, yellow peas (mix two for variety and complementary proteins)

Sometimes, I add some peas or other veggie to this so the kids who don’t tend to eat a variety of veggies get some by default.  The trick is not to overwhelm the grain with too much of the veggie.

Meat or beans:  Roast a chicken or other meat and slice, cut into small pieces, or shred OR Soak beans overnight, then cook and season to taste. Other options: hard-boiled eggs, nuts, and cheese.

Cooked veggies:  Pick the ones that are in season, cut them up, and steam or roast them with simple seasonings. 

Salad greens:  Pick out the ones that look good, wash, spin, and tear into small pieces.  Store with a paper towel to absorb extra water.  Sometimes I just cut up a bunch of carrots and celery for this bin.  Store in water; drain to serve, fill up again to store.

Bread:  Buy yummy bread from the local bakery, and/or make muffins or rolls. Also have tortillas on hand because if the kid needs to grab food and go, wrapping it up in a tortilla will save on messes in the car and prevents the sad loss of dishes and silverware.  New Day Bakery makes our family go around the table "I'm grateful for..." list on a regular basis.  I don't know about you, but for me, one of the best things in life is Good Bread. I don't get to bake bread often with my work and soccer mom schedule, so I spend good money on good bread.

Additions:  kids can add grated cheese, sour cream, or condiments, as desired. 

Step 3: Kid Training

Show the kids the containers and tell them about how the containers will be filled with food and kept in the fridge.  Tell them that each container will be filled soon after it is emptied and washed. To make a meal, a person should pick the kind of bread they want and at least three of the other items.  Show them what one-third to one-half cup looks like, and tell them to put about that much of each chosen item on their roll or in their bowl.  No fair taking two cups of rice, one chunk of chicken and a lettuce leaf!  Also, condiments are not to be piled on to make the taste of the food disappear!  A dollop of sour cream, not a half cup!  A sprinkling of cheese, not two handfuls.  Watch kids the first few times, and help them understand that a variety of foods is how they will get all the nutrients they need.  Teach them about “complete proteins.”

Also, put a calendar menu on the fridge.  Decide which nights will be “get your own” and which nights will be sit-down together meals. Be sure to have kids check the menu before they get their own meal. It might help to have a reference page posted above the counter where people will make their meals.

Have containers on hand for packing grab-n-go meals.  The plastic ones from some Chinese restaurants are a good size, sturdy, easy to eat from, and can be reused many times. By the way, don't use plastic in the microwave!  I store containers with the lids on, even though it takes up more room, because it saves precious time when we are in the grab stage of grab-n-go. In the car(s), be sure to have a roll of paper towels, some wet wipes, and a garbage bag.  In the kitchen, you could have pre-packed meal bags that contain a spoon and fork, a cloth napkin, and a mint.  The kid makes dinner in the plastic container, grabs one of the bags, and goes.  When done eating, just place the container in the bag and bring it all in the house when you get home.  There could be a small laundry basket in the kitchen so the bag gets unpacked right away – rinse and stack dishes and silverware, put cloth stuff in the laundry basket.  You could make fabric bags for this.  In your dreams. No, really, you could.  My kids just throw their food in the front pocket of their soccer bags.

Also, each person should have a BPA-free water bottle to fill and take everywhere.  Camelbak makes a sturdy one in different sizes and colors.  Each person can have a different color so everyone can keep track of their own source of water.  Kids going to athletic events will probably need more water than fits in one water bottle, so having big water container in the car for refills or having extra water bottles is a good idea.

And, remember; always have a book with you.  Everywhere you go.  Because you never know when mom will decide to sit and read in the car while the rain comes down on the soccer field instead of driving all the home and back again and you have to wait for your brother and sister sitting in the boring car. Hmph.

Step 4: Gratitude

The beauty of this system for me is that I can cook when I feel like cooking.  Yes, there are times I actually want to cook.  They are generally NOT at 4:30 pm after rushing home from work to hurry and get in the car to go to drop off H and A at LP fields, take R to get new cleats, pick up J from practice, pick up H and A from soccer practice and go home to get kids in the shower and to bed. I can cook after the kids go to bed, I can cook at six in the morning while I sip my coffee.  I can cook when it is time to clean out the fridge.  And my kids are still getting to eat healthy, home-cooked, good food.  Nothing makes me feel like a failure as a mom more often watching my kids scarf down crappy, chemical-laden, processed, automated food that came through the window of my car.  This is my personal version of the Slow Food Movement, thank you very much. 

The system in practice

I didn’t plan to cook this morning, but this is what I did when I woke up at six.  Tomorrow night is three-kids-at-soccer-and-one-kid-at-volleyball night.  Two bins were empty and in the dish drainer.  (See, this is a visible signal to me that cooking needs to happen.)  My partner is away, the kids have no school, and we are going away this weekend so the fridge needed to be cleaned out.  

First, I put on the rice. Six cups of water and three cups of rice cook up to fill a four-quart bin very nicely.  You might make your coffee first, but for some reason, I had the presence of mind to start the rice, then make the coffee.  Someday, I'll follow my partner around the kitchen and tell you how to make the perfect cup of coffee.  Today, I fended for myself.

Then I snapped the beans and put them in the steamer. 

I wanted to put some protein in a bin, but I forgot about soaking the beans last night. Since I'm going away this weekend, I don't want to get into the beans or meat work.  (Flexiblity is one key to happiness!)   I found some split peas in the pantry. I can hide some of those little green lovelies in the rice.  Well, not hide exactly, but mix in a way that prevents the children from avoiding them completely.  Mwaa haaa haaaa...  I was going to just throw them in with rice, but figured I should read the instructions first.  I had to put my glasses on... okay... I'm fifty... whatever.  Found out I needed eight cups of water for two cups of peas, so it's a good thing I didn't just throw them in with the rice.  That is them on the back left burner... cooking up in all their evil greenness. This, my friends, is cooking by the seat of my pants. 

Next, I sipped coffee and relished the quiet house. Then I chopped up lots of onions and about the same amount of squash.  My Ethiopian kids LOVE onions.  Threw in some salt, pepper, and chili pepper.  Oh yeah, garlic, too.  Lots of garlic. Helen is going to squeal with delight when she wakes up smelling these onions.

The other two bins already had some raw veggies, so I got them out for the photo op.  I had to put the green beans in one of my handy Pyrex dishes.  I could have chopped them up and added them to the rice or the onions and squash, but I use the grab-n-go for my lunches at work. I love plain green beans.  A mom needs to take care of herself, too.

See how nicely they fit in the fridge? 

This is a lesson in abundance.  It helps heal my Ethiopian kids' food-power issues from living in a children's home for five years and not having any choices around food at all. And mine, too.  My mom had a lot of rules around food, because her mom did.  Cycle of food stress.  I'm trying to break it.  This four-bin food system is one of my tools.  It works well for now. 

My boys are cooking up some breakfast and they just made me a second cup of coffee.  Life is Good.