Wake Up Call

Good Morning! I got up early. I was lying in bed thinking of my first trip with our Ethiopian kids to the grocery store. Yes, I know, this won't happen for at least another 7 or 8 or 9 months. Yes, I know, there are so many things that need to happen before that. Like our homestudy being approved. Our basement being finished. Our kids' visas coming through. The impossible task of picking our children out of the many waiting kids. Our whole complicated dossier being prepared. Not to mention, passing court and getting on a plane. Yes, I could be thinking about what could go wrong with any and all of these processes, and coming up with solutions. But, my brain has latched on to a scene in the brand new OMG Kroger we have in town - yes, the largest Kroger on the East Coast was built here in the heart of Appalachia. The one I said I would never go to because of the way the Development of that particular piece of land went down.... destroying the beautiful green hills I used to drive past with my head out the window on the way to work. (Thank goodness, the community did prevent it from becoming a super Wal-Mart.) I am speaking of the new Kroger I didn't want to go to because I shop locally-owned, small stores and co-ops and such. Alas, I stopped in one day. Curiousity, you know, and what it does to my inner cat.

I was literally jumping up and down in the aisles. Okay, so I am easily impressed by large sections of whole and organic food products. And sushi chefs. And huge areas filled with fresh produce. What I really loved was the whole, gigantic Fact of all this Organic and Natural becoming part of the Mainstream. And then I discovered the big aisle of Ethnic Hair Care products. (Well, for this town, it's a big aisle.) Which I will need to buy for my new kids. Which brings me to the scene I was mulling over this morning.

It looked like this: My three kids who speak little English and have never been in an OMG store of any kind - though they have been through Dulles Ariport by this time - come with me for their first trip to the OMG Kroger. We start out in the produce section. At this very early point in my mind's meanderings, I realize I am going to need certain phrases in Amharic. Like "stay near me" and "we'll eat this when we get home" and "please come back." Oh my, what if they get lost from me? And, let me tell you, this is entirely possible in this store, where my son doesn't really want to go because it is so far from one end of the store to the other. My 23-yr-old son. My formally Army son. Then I think, first thing, I will take my new kids over to the info desk, and introduce them to the helpers there in case they get lost. And I realize I'll need Amharic phrases such as "Come here if you can't find me and ask for help," "If you can't find me, give the person here the paper in your pocket" (which of course, in my dreams, I have already filled out with all our names and cell numbers and, of course, in my dreams, my cell is fully charged) and "If you can't find me, find another mommy with kids and ask for help." Here, I picture myself signing HELP because, of course, Laird and I have totally followed through with our plan to learn sign language along with all the Amharic words and phrases that we no doubt learned by our trip to Ethiopia.

Oh, help. At this point, I can't take the scene in my head anymore, and I get up to write down all the words and phrases we will need as the new parents of two or three young, bewildered, overwhelmed, wonderful little people new to this crazy, over-the-top OMG culture in America.

It'll be alright. Really. No problem. Or in Amharic, chigger yeh-LEM.

Keep Moving Forward!

Spring is here and we are rolling!

We have officially sent our application in to our homestudy agency! Wooo hooooo!!!

Here is our Adoption To Do list up to our next Wait Time:
Finish paperwork for homestudy and send to AFS.
Set up appointment for first homestudy visit.
Finish I-600A application and send.
Finish gathering papers for AAI and send.
Do Hague training (AFS requirement).
Watch Attachment training dvd and take test (AAI requirement).
May: homestudy visits.
~ Wait for complete homestudy to be sent to AAI. ~

If we can get it all together AND if the Government Form Fairies are working with us, our approximate travel to Ethiopia will be at the end of this year. This is based on everything I know, so it could be totally off! But, we'll roll with the punches.

By the way, I HIGHLY recommend everyone who is becoming a parent, no matter how, to submit your self to the homestudy process. It is a really great way to get ready on every level for the important work of parenting. Seriously. I think everyone should do it. I think the world would be a much better place for children - and all of us - if EVERYone who parents would first put thoughtful, honest energy into convincing experts that they are mentally, financially, and logistically READY to be responsible, effective, loving parents.

On the parallel April/May Get the House Ready To Do list:
Finish porch and stairs.
Refinish the common area of the basement into a functional family room.
Sell the South Park lot so we can expand the kitchen!

Carpet and ceiling pull-out party on April 20th. If you have any aggression to focus on a destructive project that will ultimately lead to good, come on by!

Meanwhile, Laird is busybusybusy getting ready for race season and I am filling out lots of government forms at work. Good news is that now I really do know all five of my siblings' birth dates! The above adoption to do list - I'll be working on that myself from now until early May.... speaking of which... Cheat Fest! May 3. Be there!

Also, I am joining Jones United Methodist Church. It is a little church with big-hearted wonderful people. I will add the links to Christopher's blog, and to Meredith's blog. Christopher is the pastor at Jones and two other churches, and Meredith, his wife, is the pastor at two other churches nearby. They are wonderful.

Other news: Ben's working, Shannon's working, Tegan has been awarded a music scholarship for next year at Fairmont State, and Jordan's jumping hurdles and long jumping and running fast for Suncrest Track!

Flowers are blooming!

Life is a Party!

Okay, so I'm behind....

The World Party was a blast! Even though I had the flu. Thank you all for coming... I hope you didn't get the flu. Laird has it now, so that's why the thank you notes haven't been written. (Don't ask why the wedding thank you notes haven't been written...).

So.... we don't have pics or anything, but check out Becky's blog. She and Sandor and Brandy and John and Pat and Sue and Nikole and Tegan and Jordan and Shannon and Ben and Laird spent the whole day helping to get everything ready and decorating and making cookies and taking care of details and running sound and visuals and cleaning up. And they even had time to take pictures!!! My family is AWESOME!!!!!! Mom and Dad came, too, and it was wonderful to have them. And everyone! So many people love us and support our plan for growing our family. I was so moved I had to spend three days in bed. No, that was the flu. But I was moved.

Laird and I will post a financial report after this weekend.

Lateset news: we have to redo all our homestudy paperwork because we had to switch agencies for the homestudy. Oh, the tedium. But, I think it is okay, because we really want to travel in November or December, so Laird has as much time as possible without business travel for the bonding and adjusting time. I'm trusting that the timing will be right, no matter what bumps we find in the road.

Ben found a job, Tegan found a car, and Jordan joined the track team. Life is good!

Happy Easter!!!!!

A Few Small Stones

This morning was one of those mornings where Grouchyme slowly inturded and took hold while Happyme was trying her hardest not to let her. It is my only day off this weekend and I made a list of things to do, as usual, but I kept it shorter than usual. This was victory number one.

First thing I needed to do was get my money in order. I got organized, had a bowl of cereal, and entered Quickenland. This was big mistake number one. Do not - I repeat - do not allow me to approach the Money Computer without eating a hearty breakfast. This is just a big invitation to the Grouch to come on in.

Next, I moved on to doing dishes, laundry, and taking the trash and recycling out all at once. I managed to keep myself from yelling and screaming at the world (e.g. the people I live with, which this morning happened to be Laird alone) for making all the messes. My husband did notice Grouchifiedme and took on the vacuuming. This was a very smart move.

It was then I had my big victory for the day: I decided to take care of myself. I have finally learned how to interpret my Grouch: she is telling me in her strange language to take care of me. I went for a walk to mail my checks. Thank you, patch of blue sky. Thank you, playful Zimmerdog for chasing sticks. Thank you, little stream of water making your easy way down the hill you have been carving out for so many years.

I took a nap. Thank you, wonderful bed. Thank you, blankie. I took a shower. Thank you, Sabine, for the sample of coconut shower gel. Now, Happy is coming in the door.

Cleaning out the fridge, I found some green beans. Thank you for not being fuzzy. And two apples that were still edible, though not crispy. I chopped them up and added cinnamon and sugar and baked them. I steamed the beans and put butter, salt and pepper on them. Oh, simple food. Thank you. Oh, thank you, God, for apples and green beans.

All better. Meanwhile, Laird is out on a bike ride, taking care of himself. He was so patient and playful and wise this morning. Thank you, Laird.

The other night, I went to Ash Wednesday service, and during the prayer, Pastor left spaces so we could join in. I haven't done that kind of praying for a long time. I felt shy. I listed some things, but as the prayer went on, there were just so many people and places to pray for, I felt so inadequate and couldn't say any more words aloud. I felt so small and vulnerable, but it felt really good, too. I think that was the Divine Presence. I think that's what opening up to the possibility of connection does: it opens a door to the place where God sits waiting to take you onto her lap.

Mary Oliver wrote it this way in a poem called Praying:

It doesn't have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try
to make them elaborate, this isn't
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

What this has to do with the struggle between Grouchyme and Happyme this morning is this: I took some time the other night to meet with my community and to sit in God's lap. So, this morning, I had the ability to keep my mouth shut instead of throwing blame around the room. I didn't really know what I was doing at the time, I just knew I didn't want to blame anyone else for my feeling grouchy. When I went outside to move my body, I found something to be thankful for. I found lots to be thankful for. I found the love I needed to listen to the Grouch and take care of her. She is me. She is me, after I give and give and give, at work and at home, and she just gets depleted. She just needs to replenish. I didn't know this until after the fact. I just needed to trust my intuition, and let Love lead me there.

A New Day

I do have a long piece about something new I am doing, but I still have to fix it up a little before I post it. Today I was inspired by Clare over at 3 Beautiful Things (3BT) who has a new blog called Once Around the Park. Each day she chronicles her walk with thirty words. People all over the world have been inspired by Clare and she has a long list of 3BT blogs by those people. Check them out.

Well, I love reading her little poems of life and gratitude, and I obviously am not going to be able to have a long post here once a week. (To wit: last post was Nov 17.) I sit in front of a computer all day at work, so it is not something I like to spend a lot of time on at home. So, I decided today that whenever I take a walk, I would sit down and capture it in thirty words and post it here. I am hoping it will inspire me (and reward me) to get outside every day for at least ten of fifteen minutes. Or, I might just give you 3 beautiful things once in a while. Still, I will be posting about our adoption process and other things, whenever something presents itself.

Today, my walk was from my office to the credit union and back.

The sky is blue out the window. Boots, hat, scarf, coat, gloves. Sixteen degrees and snow blower noise. Deposit check. Hurry back to boring, warm cubicle. Forget to notice beauty.

Have a wonderful new day, every day.

First official step

Last week, we sent

our application to AAI

to adopt a waiting

sibling group from Ethiopia.

Family growing

I will learn your words
I will learn your world
I will rock you to sleep
feed you, clothe you, help you grow
laugh with you and sing with you

This is my commitment
This is my hope
I will find you
My children, I will cross the ocean

I started with desire
and the whole world
for thirty years I have believed in you
for two years I have read, gathered,
asked, talked it all through
I have considered every avenue

I believe in you

I will be your mama
My husband will be your daddy
He has desired
listened, considered, imagined
Together, we believe in you
We will fill out hundreds of papers
and sign our names to care for you
for life
for our lives

This is the simple reason we are searching
seeking, finding you,
coming to get you,
bringing you home:
We want you

Now, we know
you are in Ethiopia
Our journey is to you
When the leaves are green again
we will hold a picture of you
in our hands, hoping
and your names will be written
in our hearts.

We are already yours.

We will learn your words
We will learn your world
We will cross the ocean
We will rock you to sleep
singing the songs of Ethiopia.

Barbara L. Walker
copyright 2007

Introducing... my honey.

He's sweet. We found each other after a dance. A month after I had given up on men, then, at my friend Maggie's prompting, wrote a list of what exactly I wanted in a sweetheart. It was a very specific list. It was a pie in the sky list. A no limits list. It included the words: available, chemistry, communicates, dances, and poetry, among many others. In other words, for a 43-year-old woman with three kids and a strong will, it was an impossible list. Or so I thought before I threw it into the hands of the universe and said "If you can find me this, go for it. I'm not settling for anything less." Instead, I settled into fantasies of living single-mindedly for the rest of my life. I wasn't scared of the prospect. It was actually exciting. All that freedom to be me and do what I want and go where I like! For a month.

There I was, talking to my friend Kate after dancing to those Carpenter Ants. There he was, walking by after dancing to those same Ants. Stopping to thank Kate. She introduced us with a twinkle in her eye. We had a conversation, during which I noticed those incredible blue eyes. And unbeknownst to my conscious mind, those pheromones. We parted without exchanging numbers. But I could not forget those eyes. (I'm thinking this was mostly due to the pheromones working their mysterious magic.) I didn't even think about the list.

A month later, we had our first date. It was so perfect I didn't care if I ever had another date. Ever. We hiked through the woods thick with rhodies to a beautiful spot. We had a picnic surrounded by green on a rock just down stream from a waterfall. We talked and talked and talked. We hiked back out in a hurry to catch the band, friends of his. We danced (!) and talked with friends and laughed. We hugged good-bye, smiling. On the way home, I checked off everything on my list. Every. Thing. On. The. List. Except for the poetry. On our third date, I checked that off when he read a poem he wrote for me.

A year later, we married each other. Here is a slide show of that, with our friend, Tom, singing Give Yourself to Love by Kate Wolf.

My honey, Laird. He drinks it all up. He takes it all in. He's FUN. He's courageous. He's extremely hopeful. He's a man of integrity. He's a hard worker. He fixes things. He's game. He writes little notes to me. He tells me his dreams and worries and feelings and thoughts. Honestly. He gives. A lot. He encourages anyone who needs to be encouraged. He listens. He plays hard. He takes risks. He dances with me! He dreams big. He invents. He creates. He enjoys. He celebrates.

So now I am looking forward to sharing the rest of my life with Laird. Singing, dancing, reading poems, riding bikes, raising kids, having conversations, creating fun, and eating home-baked bread with honey dripping all over.